Fun and Joke Page 2
 

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she
called on him. Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'        The teacher sat down and cried.

A young Chinese couple gets married.
She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her
husband undresses in the darkness.
He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring.
"My darring," he whispers, "I know dis you firss time and you berry
frighten.
I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting juss anyting
you want.
You juss ask. Whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and
worldly, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly for
her request).
She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have
heard about from other girls... Nummaa 69."
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he asks her.. "You want... Garlic Chicken with corrifrowa?"

Only in Britain – Complaints to Councils
Extracts from letters written t o local councils:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

The Blonde & The Heart Attack
A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.
'I think I'm having a heart attack,' cries the husband.
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Shirley is hiding in your wardrobe and she's got no clothes on!'
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten 'Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman
and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perked up and said, "How about that? I just ordered a glass
of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence" said the farmer, "This is a special day for me. I
am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating," said the woman.
"What a coincidence," said the farmer, as they clinked glasses he
added, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my
gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," said the man, "I'm a chicken farmer and for
years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying
fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" said the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, "What a coincidence."